I've decided that I'm not a very good blogger. I care too much about what others think to really ever put down my true inner dialog. But perhaps, that's not the point of a blog, that's a journals duty. I do know that I'm grateful for blogs. I've gotten to know family and friends in a way I don't know if I would have ever been able to through another method. And I'm not good at getting to know people, especially in a setting with a lot of people. I have difficulty just letting my personality come through in those situations. I think I'm a good friend if you are close to me, though I'm still prone to bouts of duh speak. You know, those moments you says stuff just to be talking and what comes out isn't what you intended or really even feel? Yeah, I do that. :-/
The last few months have been difficult honestly. And going beyond saying that has turned into a repetitive series of typing and mass deleting. I don't know how much to say, if anything. I'm a very introspective kind of person, and I think it would be so liberating to be able to express some of my thoughts and perspectives, but at the same time, I've had experiences that have shown that it's not worth doing. Not worth the drama it causes. The unrest in my heart that follows. So here I am, beating around the bush, causing the few people who read this to wonder what in the world is up with me. Lol!
So probably the superficial Amy stuff is best. And I have some great superficial stuff. Pictures of the kids and what we're up to as a family. Leaving out any of the "drama" causing thoughts and feelings that gives any depth to who I am and what I feel. I think that's why I'm a crappy blogger. It's just too exhausting.
7 comments:
oh dear. you do put a lot of thought into it. and you have made me wonder what is UP. you could just do what i do..have a private blog/journal that you just vent all those deep thoughts that you don't want anyone to know or that wouldn't make sense to anyone really.
I love that "duh speaking", I do that to a T! Glad to have a word to describe it now;0). I am not any good at writing what I think. If I try I end up waisting half my day and it never sounds as good as it did in my head. I like Aubrey's idea of a private blog, but at the same time I'm not sure I would trust it to be private. Oh, and I love your blog! You don't have to post a million times to make it great, it is great just how it is. BTW, even if you don't blog much I always appreciate your comments. You have always been one of my most favorite people. I just wish we could hang out more like we did in the good old days. Any who, I'll see you later!
Love ya!
I love your blog too and am so excited when you post a new posting, so keep them coming! I love you sooooooooooooo much and I am soooooooooooooooooooooooo grateful you are in my life! I love you Amy and we have to do El Sol! Soon!!!!!!!!!!
Well, I must say that I know exactly how you feel. I feel the same way. I only post photos of Dash. And never put down what I really feel.
I think you're right though. That is what a journal is for, oh and best girl friends. (Personal stuff.)
Lets be honest, who really reads all that stuff anyway. I just look at the pictures.(I hope that you're smiling.)
Hey Amy! If this helps--we love your posts--all of them. Who cares if you shift from superficial kids pics mode to bearing of the soul-not-really-about-anything mode. We will read, relate, and comment. Always. If blogging seems like one more thing on your plate, then we will wait patiently for a new post--even if it takes you a year. Okay--that would be maybe too long--because we LOVE peeking into your life. How else do cousins like me ever get to catch up with your cute family! Plus, just think--Twilight comes out in a month and then you had BETTER let (me) us know your feelings. Okay, I will back off now. We love you! We love your posts--any and all of them. But do it to make YOU happy--not us (me). :)
I am not much of a blogger myself but Amy you are a very fun person to hang out with and your blog is fun to look at but I totally get what you are saying too! I agree that putting down what you really feel is exhausting but go for it girl get it out it feels good...every once in a while! Ride the soap box it feels good!
It is a risky undertaking to express your inner most self. Those soft and tender places in your heart, that get pinched so easily. But what is the alternative? A heart that stays shrivleld up behind your rib cage, somewhat lonely, cold, closed off and SAFE.
You are more of a risk taker than you think, you actually opened up your heart for all to see in you last post, and look what happened, love flowed in, form every comment! Take the risk, trust the outcome to be manageable at worst and exhilarating at best. You are better at this than you know, you can see it in the way people love you!
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